September 26, 2014

A note to CRL readers: I won't have consistent access to the internet next week. CRL will be on hiatus beginning 9/28 and will return 10/6.

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September 24, 2014

Match Recap vs Alpha United

Brian Gjurgevich YouTube:

Wise Guys Say 9/22

Wise Guys Say is a new feature at CRL. Following MLS matches, a couple TA supporters will take cheap shots as they play Monday Morning Center Back. Enjoy!
    Here's how it looks:
    Ready, GO!
    • In 2014, the Timbers are undefeated (3-0-2) in games broadcast on NBC (link). This week for MOTM, I'll be voting for John Strong.
      • And I for Robbie Earle.
        • #FireBleier
          • #KBOut
    • It took a few months but there was a HUGE development regarding the strength of our defense. CRL can now confirm that Ridgewell has achieved two-way communication with Kah without the use of massage or kissing.
      • Now Kah can focus all his on-pitch trainer skills on making Ricketts less Ricketty.
        • Ridgy’s topknot was finally tuned correctly to Kah’s broadcast signal.
          • Ridgy's topknot goes to 11.
    • From God's vantage point, I have to believe that youth soccer would have all of the organization and intentionallity of amoebas in a Petri dish.
      • Bees.
        • Or 22-player pong.
          • 22-player beer pong, maybe.
    • Barring an off-season acquisition, if Ricketts leaves next year Mike Toshack may decide to invest in a few dozen chimney starters (link).
      • Barring an off-season acquisition Jake Gleeson is finally going to move up to the big leagues and charm the women of PDX with his lovely looks and Kiwi accent, assets wasted down in Sacramento.
        • Instead of trading Weber, we get him a modeling gig. Way more profitable for us.
          • If our GK lineup next year is Weber/Gleeson, I may start selling spare tickets to Elite Model Management.
    • Wanted: GK Distribution Coach. Salary: Whatever it takes. To apply, please send letter of intent, current resume, and availability to Timbers Front Office, c/o GW.
      • Wanted: Girard Pique. Just have the GK play the ball to him every time.
        • Once we get a keeper with more coordination than an Ent, we’ll be fine.
          • I didn't think anything of it at the time but this could explain why GW has a sign on his desk that says, "Don't be hasty."
    • It just so happens I took three years of Spanish in high school. For those who didn't know, Jorge Villafaña translates "George: The way of the Faña."
      • Alternative meaning "Cross falling perfectly to one's head or foot"
        • I Sueno’d through most Spanish classes, Jorge feels me.
          • Mi backline no funciona!
    • Philosophical question: If Kah doesn't Kah in the woods, does it make a sound?
      • Are we talking about not digging a deep enough hole with our trowel here?
        • No, but he certainly makes a face.
          • If Kah doesn't Kah in the woods, does Timber Joey get the log for matchday?
    • Will Johnson is a lot like the Incredible Hulk. Except when things go sideways, Will's superpower is waiving his arms around like asynchronous windmills.
      • WJ is more like Inspector Gadget, he always seems to think he has everything under control but really it is just Chara playing the roles of Penny and Brain.
        • He’s witnessed one too many Canada geese take flight.
          • Inspector? You brought her!
    • As I tweeted immediately following Adi's first goal (and before the second one), "Adi goals are only delivered in packages of two (link)."
      • The problem is so are Timbers goals against except when we play Chivas and Vancouver.
        • Shipping and Handling not included, gladly payable on delivery.
          • Remember Amazon Subscribe & Save? Yes please.
    • After a long day in the sun, it always feels good to sleep on clean sheets.
      • And hopefully not soil them next weekend.
        • On the other hand, sleeping on clean sheet log slices? Not so much.
          • This would be a great time of year to sleep on clean sheets a couple weeks in a row.